Well…it’s almost here, The day I leave high school and work my way to a brighter future. The day I receive my diploma with much dignity as possible. And the day I put effort into making this a perfect end of an era for me…….
But lately, I’m not sure if I even deserve it, because I sure as hell haven’t been making that effort at all.
You see, lately I’ve been having a lot of anxiety and depression about moving on to bigger things, which is why I’ve been usually absent for 30 days estimated of my Senior year. I’m not sure if I’m able to achieve anything, I’m not sure if I’m able to do anything original or special, I’m not sure if my morals, opinions, and beliefs are able to be tolerated by a large audience of people, hell, I’m not even sure if I’ll even make a good amount of friends who share the same dreams (besides, I haven’t even made that effort online as well. Since when was the last time I ever said “hello” first on Skype, or even reply to every comment and compliment I get on DA or Tumblr. I know this doesn’t mean anything, but it could still go a long way.)
It’s thoughts like these is why I barely talk, why I barely draw as usual, and why I barely try to connect more with my friends. And honestly, it’s times like these where I would like someone to rant at me, give me a good kick in the ass and tell me what I’m doin wrong, no matter how brutal and honest it can be. And I know I have the dreams of creating characters I call my own, but sometimes I don’t think that’s even enough. Would people really care, would people even watch, or would people even bother giving it a chance….but yet at the same time, I haven’t made much support either. I’m usually just busy just making all these b-day gifts to folks that I don’t even talk to that much. And I know that it’s a nice thing to do for people, but at the same time, it could really be pushed to it’s limits and really unsettle some people, and it’s definitely not the right way to make new friends. And while I don’t mind receiving many gifts, but I know others won’t share the same feeling (and to those that I’ve unsettled before, I’m deeply sorry for my actions).
And don’t worry, I’m gonna continue to work as much as I can, create characters, be online and whatnot, and these states of my mind aren’t gonna last forever, it’s just sometimes I could just put loads of more effort into it and make an impact on what I really love to do.
Continue to be awesome guys~!